Doctor: Here’s your newborn baby. But I’m sorry your wife didn’t make it…
Husband: What?? So who made this baby?? I want the baby made by my wife!!
I always told my wife that she is my strength…
…because deep down in me, I know that all other women are my weaknesses.
Boy: Hi, would you like to dance with me?
Girl: I don’t dance with a kid.
Boy: Oh sorry, I really didn’t know you are pregnant.
At 8:00pm, I received a Whatsapp message from my girlfriend asking, “Me or World Cup?!”
At 11:00pm, I replied to my girlfriend, “Of course you, my dear!!”
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.
Wife: Darling, thanks for the 24-carat gold necklace you bought for me the other day. But when I put it on, my skin started going a funny blue colour, am I allergic to gold?
Husband: It was a bracelet.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site!”
Jokes about unemployed people aren’t funny. They just don’t work.
At a disco…
He: Hey, what a cute girl like you doing in a corner all alone?
She: I had to fart.
I just realized that ‘firefly’ is the opposite of ‘waterfall’.